stanford news & updates | your antidote to 94305 | view online

THE FOUNTAIN HOPPER

thirty-seventh edition | weather: meh, seen better | read time: long!

POST-ELECTION


FoHo #37 was delayed after some kinda scary shit happened last week. We went to Wednesday’s What Matters talk and heard the prayers in White Plaza. We heard Etch in the Faculty Senate describe “students who feel vulnerable [and] deserve our support as faculty and as an institution.”

And we went to today’s walk-out, where we were reminded that “MLK had a dream, not a complaint” – but also that it’s “time to put away our ideological purity.” Dozens of students chanted loud and clear that “immigrants are welcome here.”  

Whatever you think of the result, be aware that (at the most stressful time in the quarter) a lot of people have reason to be upset. Keep an eye out for them. 💖
 

IN THIS EDITION:


STUDENTS WALK OUT BC TRUMP WON, WANT STANFORD TO BECOME SANCTUARY

STADIUM GRILLE TRAGICALLY GONE FROM OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIVES, OU TEEPEE LIVES ON


CS MAJOR DELIGHTFULLY STILL OPEN TO THOSE OF US WITH 3.0 GPAs

  

WHAT WE’RE READING


 In quite possibly the most boring interview ever, Stanford chatted to its Chief Risk Officer for seven hundred and fifty nauseatingly dull words. Read ahead if you’re ready to take the risk! 💩

Post-election, Stanford has been in overdrive. “Fuck Trump!” was written all over Wilbur (Daily), leaving the (low-income, probably actually affected by Trump) janitors to clean the messages up. White Plaza also saw a “Fuck Donald Trump Rally,” which, well, lived up to its promise to let students “speak your mind.” 

The Tab (which tbh we thought had quietly died, but no, it’s still around!) wrote a piece on the best places to cry on campus, and MTL called for “free expression, diversity and inclusion” (Stanford). The Review called for self-reflection (remarkably calm by their usual standards). Finally, a bunch of students agree they dislike Trump but that we should prob do something about the 60 million Americans who picked him (1, 2, many more on Daily website). As Nicole Taylor put it, “If we don’t understand what they were thinking, this is going to keep happening.” Also, turns out you can’t use music to predict your next president (Daily).

Separately, the Daily’s been publishing a number of fantastic op-eds of late – from a short but moving op-ed on “adjusting to a culture where there is always enough,” to a defense of Peter Thiel. Less fantastically, they decided to respond to the Review’s pro-Dakota pipeline piece with (among other arguments) the rock-solid claim that oil companies forced Bush to invade Iraq in 2003 (Daily). See accompanying rally coverage on the pipeline. The Daily is also upset that the Center for African Studies is moving to a basement, and wrote an op-ed that is mostly perfectly reasonable but also says stuff like “space is political” (what, all of it?).

The police reported that last Saturday, someone punched a woman by the Law School while she was biking back to her dorm. This sounded particularly concerning, so FoHo’s reached out for more info.

Oh, and a certain aquatic frosh remains pretty good at her favorite hobby (SwimSwam).
 

FLIPSIDE PIONEERS SATIRE IN WORLD WHERE THE ONION MIGHT WELL REPRESENT POLITICAL REALITY

BAND NOT COMING TO BIG GAME
😭  


A few weeks back, FoHo reported that Band was still facing random and arbitrary Title IX suspensions, for some somewhat-dubious conduct almost a decade ago that had nothing to do with anyone who’s currently in the organization.

Nonetheless, despite their playing everything by the book, Band announced yesterday they’re not allowed to go to Berkeley for the funnest football event of the year.

Fuck the Title IX fuckers. Not much more to say here.

STADIUM GRILLE LASTS SIX WEEKS


After receiving a whopping three total customers in its first month, the Tresidder Stadium Grille – complete with food just like the stuff across the road at TAP, except worse in every conceivable way – is no more. In its place is a gelato shop (link). You know someone really fucked up when even ResEd changes its plans before fall quarter ends. #BringBackFraiche

STANFORD REALLY PRETTY ANGRY ABOUT ORANGE BEING NEW BLACK
 

ICYMI, an angry tangerine is now the President-Elect of the United States. Stanford students – surprise! – are very dissatisfied by this fact. So dissatisfied that they’re DEMANDING that the admin turn Stanford into a sanctuary campus. Yes, that sort of sanctuary. Their proposal is twofold:

1) a somewhat dubious claim that if federal immigration officers can’t enter churches, they also can’t come onto a campus – except we have, y’know, public roads and shops in our ‘church’, and Brown said we can’t stop officers even if we wanted; plus

2) a super-well-thought-through plan to refuse the Palo Alto police the right to enter CA94305.

Stanford isn’t alone here – sanctuary campuses have also been proposed at Harvard, Yale, Brown, Columbia, [insert rich liberal school name here]. In fact, the Stanford proposal uses near-identical wording to Brown’s, and the Google form being used to collect signatures even says “created inside of Brown University” at the bottom (ironically, something of a #MelaniaMove).

The writers/promoters of the sanctuary petition, previously seen making DEMANDS with Who’s Teaching Us and protesting DAPL, didn’t stop there. They and over a thousand other Stanford students want Stanford’s admin to “denounce fear-mongering on campus.” Presumably “fear-mongering” means the Review telling protesters to suck it up after they marched around with “Not My President” signs last week. Unfortunately, we don’t know, because – despite contacting the leaders repeatedly and being referred to a gmail.com sinkhole email – we have yet to hear anything back from them.

FoHo is also upset that America chose the glass ceiling last Tuesday. But if you’re thinking of signing this petition, please don’t, because it’s possibly an even worse idea than banning Wells Fargo.

We’re not even sure Stanford can straight-up ban the police from entering campus, but if we could, we’d also be banning them from investigating thefts, sexual assault, etc. etc. etc. etc. Think The Purge: Tessier-Lavigne Edition. While Trump might be bad, it seems weird to respond to his victory by preemptively turning campus into anarchy.

What’s more, if Stanford announces it’s violating federal law, the Department of Education can yank our federal funding. All of it. Notably, one of the few things Trump has said consistently is that he’d cut all funding to sanctuary cities within 100 days of hitting the White House, so Stanford is just another $656 million-sized saving if we join his list. At which point the undocumented students that petitioners want to protect presumably all get kicked out anyway for lack of tuition. 

Look, maybe Trump will be horrible, maybe he won’t – he’s only talked about deporting criminals so far, and backtracked on South Korea/the wall/imprisoning Hillary/criticizing Obama/gay marriage in the course of, ooh, two days. But to commit campus to a likely breach of federal law seems over the top.

Then again, even if nothing comes of the sanctuary campus proposal, there still might be cause for alarm; at the FacSen meeting last week, Etch briefly alluded to fears for the future of research funding under the Trump administration even before this proposal was announced.

TIPS?

ANONYMITY GUARANTEED.

tips@fountainhopper.com

CS MAJOR REMAINS FREE AND OPEN (THANKS MEHRAN!)


A FOHO EXCLUSIVE


Last week, we reported that the CS department was considering caps on the major in conjunction with the flood of pure engineers on the Farm. 

Our source, fwiw, was as senior as they come, but in a model for clear student-administrator communication we received a blanket categorical denial from CS profs Mehran Sahami and Alex Aiken.



While that’s all well and good (and thanks to the CS department for not fucking around [attn @lapin]), the ever-expanding numbers of CS majors is something that multiple University departments continue to look into (fun fact: over 150 people clicked through to declare the CS major from FoHo #36). 

Given what Etch and MTL told us at FacSen last week, though, expect them to look for academic diversity in other ways (oh good, more PWR!).

SEND US $$$


Unlike every other Stanford publication, we don’t take money from the ASSU or the administration. That means that when the administrators come calling (and they do), we don’t owe them shit.

However, like any other student group, we have expenses, and we rely 100% on donations to keep the lights on and the news flowing. Donate today ❤


venmo.com/fountainhopper

AN UPDATE ON THE OLD UNION TEEPEE


Remember last week’s teepee outside the bookstore, notionally installed by members of the Native American community to protest the Dakota pipeline? Um, it’s still there (and we’re sure President Trump will listen carefully to their continued resistance).

Tipsters tell FoHo the teepee wasn’t authorized by the Native community but was a couple of renegades who then pissed off 1) the admin when they wouldn’t leave, and 2) the NACC, who didn’t want them there in the first place.

At least they’ve shown grad students a new and innovative way to obtain affordable on-campus accommodation.

NEW PROVOST FEMALE (BUT WHITE, ENGINEER 😲)

 
PLUS: REPUBLICANS, COMING SOON TO A CSRE LECTURE NEAR YOU


Of course, aside from making the meaningless promise to ‘defend pluralism and free speech’ – notably, something legally required of every Californian university, so not exactly a bold move – the Stanford admin’s big news for the week is the appointment of Persis Drell as Provost (Daily). A former SLAC director and engineering dean – and also a white person – Drell perhaps tried to preempt the inevitable anger from Who’s Teaching Us by saying she would “capture that imperative” to “move more quickly towards a more diverse faculty.”

More on diversity, though, from this week’s Faculty Senate, where Etch explicitly amended a resolution affirming the importance of diversity to include political diversity, too. Probably important given the Review’s finding that the ratio of Democrats to Republicans teaching the social sciences is 11:1.

GEO CORNER REVISITED

A quick one on last week’s piece on the Geo Corner lounge. As was hopefully apparent, we meant the Geology lounge, often used by EarthSys people but not the same as the EarthSys lounge in Y2E2. But we’re sorry for piling negativity on Sara and Roni, who’ve since received letters of support from students in 320.

RATE THIS FOHO AND SEE LAST WEEK’S FOHO RATINGS!


On a scale of one to ten, how much do you like this edition?

1     2     3     4     5     6     7      8     9     10


We're glad you're with us.

GET IN TOUCH


(775) 5 FTNHPR
(775) 538-6477
 
tips@fountainhopper.com
Copyright © 2016 FoHo LLC, a Delaware Limited Liability Company.

Please do not copy our content or format without asking. All rights reserved.


In the unlikely event you get the urge to send us a cool postcard, our mailing address is:
The Fountain Hopper
531 Lasuen Mall
Stanford, CA 94305

Add us to your address book


unsubscribe from this list    update subscription preferences