May 8. 2020

The Newsette


Go long. Click here for 15 ways to help your hair grow faster.


Nice stems

GARDENING: When there’s no more flour, try some flowers. As quarantined fans finish every episode of The Great British Bake Off, a new show is budding on Netflix called The Big Flower Fight. Filmed in the U.K. countryside, the reality competition asks ten amateur “floral sculptors” to make their best bouquets, and the winner gets an exhibit at the Royal Botanic Gardens in London—which is basically like showing at New York Fashion Week but with tulips instead of tulle. The series debuts on May 18, which gives you exactly 10 days to convince your mom it’s pronounced vase and not “vaaaaaahs.” In other gardening news, scientists like Claire Carvell ask that while you drink wine in your backyard, you also count bees so ecologists can see how things like reduced air pollution and lower road traffic affect local hives. And since bees pollinate 80% of all flowering plants—not to mention 30% of the world’s food supply—you’ll be helping women in STEM with their research while literally looking at stems.


Save the dates

RELATIONSHIPS: Is dating… actually... better now? Some experts say yes. “If you’re single,” says anthropologist Helen Fisher, “Coronavirus has given you a gift.” The bad news: it’s not a vaccine, a stimulus check, or a bonus season of Outlander. Instead, it’s the chance to date without the instant highs of sex and alcohol, and build a steadier foundation for—gasp—a longterm thing. (Only if you want one, obviously...) “Men are allowed to be boring as hell,” adds writer Jamilah Lemieux. “But no longer able to inspire interest based on surface-level sex appeal or ‘impressive’ résumés, they are now forced to… dazzle us with their conversational skills… [and] the boys are talking their asses off.” But while guys get chatty, Cashley—aka Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson—has gone silent. The most stunning celebrity couple since Brangelina has reportedly split, while millions of other couples are dealing with pandemic stress, leading Esther Perel to start video counseling sessions with advice like, “You don’t need a door to leave the house.” #Deep.


All in the wrist

TECH: Clothing sales might be down, but Apple Watches are apparently still a thing. The chosen timepiece of “cool dads,” econ professors, and Silicon Valley yoga instructors saw a 23% jump in sales through January, which seems weird since time and space are basically just illusions right now. Analysts say people are buying the smartwatch to track their changing activity while in quarantine… though who needs a watch to say we’ve been sitting too long when we have Netflix to ask, “Are you still watching?” (Memo to Netflix: of course we are.) Sales of Nintendo Switch are up, too, because Animal Crossing isn’t just a game, it’s basically therapy with cute bears in cardigans. And while Nintendo profits soar, startups are looking to get in the fast lane by branding themselves with speedy names like Zoom, Zoomi, Züm, and Zoomly. Meanwhile, more dogs might be getting The Zoomies (aka that thing where they race in circles) because of quarantine… and yes, there are several Apple Watch apps to track it.


READ: Perfect Tunes by Emily Gould
Do we ever get a second chance at our dreams? In Perfect Tunes, a young artist struggles to know her own strength. 15 years later, we see her wrestle with what she has, and what could have been.
WATCH: True Grit on Hulu
Hailee Steinfeld plays a fast-talking kid who embarks on a mission to track down her father's murderer. Before she became a pop star, this role got her an Oscar nomination at age 15.
LISTEN: Harry Potter at Home by Wizarding World
Still waiting on your Hogwarts letter? Same. Pass the time by listening to your favorite stars read The Sorcerer’s Stone aloud. The podcast starts with Daniel Radcliffe, and it’s magical.

Pillow Talk:
Rayna Greenberg &
Ashley Hesseltine

Co-Hosts of Girls Gotta Eat

Greenberg & Hesseltine

Hungry for quarantine content? We’ve got you covered. Rayna Greenberg and Ashley Hesseltine are the co-hosts of Girls Gotta Eat, a comedy podcast about dating, sex, and relationships. (Rayna’s bio even jokes, “if we’ve dated or are going to date in the future, you will be talked about on this podcast.”)
We asked the duo how they wind down after a long day of working in loungewear. (Spoiler: it includes wine… a lot of it.)
7:00 P.M.
Rayna: At 7 in NYC, we cheer from our windows to thank our first responders and essential workers… It makes me very proud to be a New Yorker.
Ashley: I’m cooking dinner for my parents (who I’m quarantined with at their farmhouse)... At first I thought, “Cooking dinner will be such a nice thing to do for them!” But they came to expect it, and now I slave over three gourmet meals a week. I am the backbone of the family.
8:00 P.M.
Rayna: Nightly Zoom call. I see the faces of my friends and family now more than I ever did before. I try to not make every conversation about the current state of affairs. I do a quick wellness check, and keep it moving with some Netflix, movie, or book recommendations.
Ashley: Whoever didn’t cook does the dishes; then we usually have dessert. I recently convinced my mom to make her famous brownies from scratch. When my dad came into the kitchen and asked, “Where are the brownies?” I responded, “I got my period today and ate them all.” He nervously laughed and immediately [left]… and then I pulled out the brownies I hid earlier, and ate them. (Just a life hack for you ladies quarantined with men.)
9:00 P.M.
Rayna: If I haven’t taken my clothes off for the day (or even bothered putting them on in the first place), now's the time. I throw on a robe and turn down my bed. Yes… every night I turn down my bed as though I’m my own maid at a fancy hotel… Then I turn on Bravo. Should I drink? I should drink.
Ashley: Around this time, my mom will throw some subtle “Are you even watching?” shade because I’m on my phone. Every once in a while, I do have to ask about something that happened because I was on Instagram not paying attention, which I realize is a very annoying thing to do to your roommate, but what’s she gonna do, kick me out? (I guess she could...)
10:00 P.M.
Rayna: More wine, more Bravo, more sending memes to people. I look at photos from happier times, check up on all of my exes, talk some shit with my friends, talk to Ashley about some fun episode ideas, and eat a snack I definitely didn't need this late at night. Repeat for an hour.
Ashley: Mom and I wrap up TV time and I prepare to head on over to “my house.” There are two homes on the farm. You may be picturing a fancy “guest house on the estate” situation; please know it’s more of an old house where everyone would have gotten murdered in a ‘90s horror movie. Anyway, I take the dog, put my Crocs on (you read that right), and head over to my abode.
10:30 P.M.
Rayna: Please reference 10 P.M.
Ashley: I’m that b**** who will come home drunk at 4 A.M. and still do a 3-step skincare routine. (What I would give to stumble home after a night of partying and regret it for the next 48 hours...) If I’m wearing makeup, I always remove it with my Makeup Eraser first (a magical item every woman should have in her beauty arsenal), then use either old school Pond's Cold Cream or Rodan + Fields Reverse Deep Exfoliating Wash. I finish the routine with my night moisturizer, Weleda Skin Food Original Ultra-Rich Cream. Oh, and I floss and brush my teeth. I will not go to bed without flossing and I judge anyone who does, no offense.
11:00 P.M.
Rayna: Bedtime. I don’t have a skincare routine… never have. Maybe a splash of water, some Neutrogena makeup remover and Clinique lotion if I remember. I used to smoke a little before bed every night and then write a bit. Since being quarantined, I haven’t touched any weed. I think it’s helped me stay more grounded.
Ashley: Here’s the moment of truth. Do I: A) Go right to bed and wake up at 8 A.M. well-rested and ready to take on the day B) Read a book until I fall asleep C) Scroll on my phone switching between Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok until well past 1 A.M.? The answer is C, unless the book is really good. And the very last thing I do before bed 5 out of 7 nights a week is masturbate. It helps me forget all the good, bad, and ugly information I just digested on my phone, and I drift off into a peaceful sleep.



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