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                 Volume 1          August 2015
August 5, 2015
Hello you,

First off, I can't stress how excited I am to finally send out my first issue of The Dank. If you are on this mailing list I want you to know how much I appreciate your support. Every time I hear from another woman who thought she was the only "normal" stoner mom out there, further inscreases my resolve to fly my stoner freak flag high and proud and in publicly. I do this because no government law can take away my confidence as a mother, and that is something I want to shout from the rooftops to every capable mom out there. (Also, I'm a little stoned as I type this letter to you, so you know. I'm feeling pretty passionate). 

This summer my youngest child turned six- a bittersweet reminder that the world continues to rotate around the sun and that my wee one won't be my wee one forever. To inflict further damage on my heart, my oldest child has begin swimming in 9 ft deep pools unassisted. As I swim alongside her, extending my submerged hand under her tummy for a little "lift", she pushes it away and hurries across the pool without me. I guess I'm not needed then?

Recently I came across an inspirational meme. It said, across some image of a beautiful mother and child, "Remember, you will never be this loved." 

As someone who has been loved fiercly my whole life, I'd have to disagree. I have always been loved hard. By my parents, my family, my lovers and husbands. I love hard and have always been loved hard back. So when I look upon my children it's not really their love for me that catches in my throat. 

The meme in my mind reads like this; You will never be this needed. My children need me, and the time they have with me is very limited when juxtaposed with the length of their adult lives. 

And so I'm learning to relish the times when they do need me. Because even at eight years old I can see their need slip away with each new skill aquired. Fortunately, Back to School time is upon us, a time in which they really do need my involvement. And so I soak it in. 

In this months issue I have gathered some tips for getting yourself and your kids back on track for the 2015-2016 school year. As happy as parents are to see the kids go away for a few hours each day, it's still a huge transition from waking up late to being responsible for herding cats to school. 

Flying my Freak Flag High, 
The Stoner Mom 

The Back To School Rush

With August comes the Back to School Rush. Rush for everything. To get supplies, to get into the pediatrician’s office, to get the haircuts and the new shoes and the lunch box system that is finally going to work right this time. It’s the rush to finish the summer reading program, the rush to stock up on Pirates Booty and Cheezits, the rush to cram their heads with the information you were supposed to keep them abreast with during the summer. Which you didn’t of course because duh, it’s SUMMER! Millennials are the parents that are seeing the negative effects of too much academic pressure, so yeah. So what if we slacked off this summer? So what if we let them have two popsicles instead of one? So what if we misplaced the flashcards and skipped a couple of book club meetings? We were swimming and traveling and bonding with siblings and reenforcing the closeness of family.

I’ve written up a nice little guide to help stoner parents get ready for the upcoming school year. I mean, we all want to go home after school drop-off and comfortably get stoned right? Here’s what you’ll learn in this article:

  • How to get your child’s brain back into “thinking mode”- even if you let them watch Kung Fu Panda every day for the past three months.
  • The major skills kids should review before school starts.
  • How to build a morning schedule that will work, and how to get everybody in the house to follow it.
  • The number one conversation you should have with your child before school begins.
The best part is, this article is for subscribers only. Click the button below and enter the password "school" for instant access to The Stoner Mom's Back to School Guide. 
Password: school

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