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Gift vouchers, Seasonal discounts, Zen mode, and The Week of Puzzles!
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'Tis the season for Armaments and Relentless Capitalism.

 

It has come to our attention that there is an annual ritualistic crisis that is fast approaching. According to our sources, a large man with global reach and seemingly endless resources will very soon be committing seven billion counts of unlawful entry by way of chimneys, as well as dairy and cookie theft. What's more, other corporations seem fine to sit idly by as this bearded burglar makes his rounds.

We here at Streeper Industries refuse to let such atrocities come to pass. We have already apprehended and disposed of 39 of his doppelgangers doing reconnaissance in local malls by way of relentlessly questioning innocent schoolchildren. We were also able to effectively neutralize 13 others that were extorting passers-by by way of ringing a hand bell in front of a red hanging pot. We've found that these doppelgangers, almost always dressed in red, are in fact not immune to blood loss, and that in fact their suit only temporarily hides massive bleeding and bullet wounds. No doubt this is to terrify the enemy. Research and experimentation will continue unabated, at least until we run out of doppelgangers or hot coal. We will keep you up to date as we combat this threat.

We have observed that individuals attempt to cope with the resulting trauma of this breaking & entering by expending economic resources on gifts, which frankly are better spent on armaments, or our new line of Chimney Chopper® rotating blade-based fireplace personnel removal apparatuses. Nevertheless, we recognize the human psychological need to cope, even if we don't fully understand your economic rationale.

Therefore, Streeper Industries is proud to announce the release of Charitably Offer-able Amusement Licenses. Or Gift Vouchers, as laymen might call them.

Help us Defend Your Homes:
Purchase COAL for Your Loved Ones

Give the gift of COAL

Introducing Zen Mode: Play without a Timer

In the past, we here at Streeper Industries have had to limit our patrons to one hour spent in The Study, due to a few scattered and wildly exaggerated reports about extended exposure to The Abyss causing mild cases of complete insanity. However, following a few "accidents" to a few key chairmen on the American & Swedish Inter-dimensional Health & Safety Board, we are now pleased to announce that we can now remove the one-hour restriction!
Perfect for those who want to contemplate the mysteries of The Study without dealing with a timer, (Or for those who are too stubborn to ask for hints) Zen Mode allows patrons to solve the room one piece at a time without panic-induced hint-taking. It may cost a bit more, (Double, in fact) but you get up to three hours to solve the room instead of the standard one, as well as a guarantee that you will see all of the puzzle.

Only one Zen booking allowed per day, so be sure to reserve well in advance!

The Week of Puzzles! Open All Week 28th to the 3rd!

We would like to invite everyone to enjoy our first annual Week of Puzzles!  We will be open all week long starting Sunday, December 28th, and ending Saturday, January 3rd. What better way to celebrate the new year than with an experience you'll never forget! Except when you visit the bar immediately afterward and proceed to black out and forget it.

Come and visit us! it will be your last chance to purchase tickets at our low, low price of $20! It's a fraction of the price you'll pay for the cheap liquor you'll end up shelling out for at the bar, the cost of the midnight drunken shopping spree at Wal-mart, the cost of the taxi cab driver's new upholstery that you stained with vomit, and the ensuing therapy regarding that image you uploaded to Facebook. Nice tattoo, by the way.
 

Now for Sale: Schadenfreude. Watch your friends fail!

Do you like to make fun of your friends? Of course you do. That's why you don't have any. But I'm sure your cool older sibling does, so send them this email. Hello, cool older sibling, we have a great new mode for you and your cool friends!  Have you already been through our Study? Of course you have; you're cool like that. Well, why not bring another group of friends in? If you come along with your friends, you will get to sit in our theater and watch as your friends fail miserably for your amusement!
That's right! If you have already been through The Study, you are now permitted to sit in our theater and watch as another group fails right in front of you! Swell, huh? Spectator mode is free for all patrons who have played The Study, and is not available to those that haven't.  Bring a group down during our Week of Puzzles, and see if your cool friends are as good at puzzles as your other cool friends.
Copyright © 2014 The Puzzalarium, All rights reserved.


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